A Suze Orman exclusive

Prenups are one area where you absolutely need a lawyer to draw up the document. Actually, you need two lawyers. One for you, and one for your honey. For the prenup to hold up in court, some states actually require proof that you both had independent counsel when putting it together.  Even if it's not a rule in your state, I still think each of you each should get your own attorney. You want to make sure someone is truly looking out for your—and only your—best interests. Besides, if you have any questions or concerns about the agreement, it's easier to have your own lawyer who can represent those concerns for you. Also, make sure you take time to list in writing every asset that you currently have. Don't leave anything to chance.

Depending on your situation, it could cost each of you a few thousand dollars in fees to draft and execute your prenup. I know spending $2,000 or so doesn't make anybody feel too great, but please think about the value—financial and sentimental—of every asset you are protecting in the document.

Before you head off to your respective lawyers, you'll want to sit down as a couple and create an outline of the issues and assets you want addressed in your agreement. I recommend having this conversation before you are even engaged. But if that's not gonna happen, I want you to get to work as soon after the engagement as possible. The ideal scenario is to have the prenup finished months before the actual wedding. You want the lead-up to the wedding to be all romance and fun, right? Then get the work out of the way. It's even important to do so from a legal standpoint. Any prenup that is signed on the way to the chapel could run into trouble in the courtroom. One party can easily claim they were pressured to sign it under duress, or under the influence of wedding stress! It can make a big difference down the line if the court sees that you and your partner both made changes to the prenup as it was being drawn up; it's a sign that you both were actively involved in the process and knew exactly what was going on.

You both better come clean, too; if either party does not fully disclose all their assets and debts, the entire document can be thrown out by a judge as unenforceable. Basically you need to be able to prove that both you and your partner fully understood the extent of each other's assets and debts at the time you created the prenup.

Once you hash out the agreement, you, your partner, and both lawyers need to sign the document. In some states you'll need to have your signatures notarized.

It's important to understand that the rules and regulations for what can and cannot be included in a prenup depend on state law. What flies in one state might not work in another. So if you end up moving, please have a lawyer in your new home state review the document and make any necessary changes. And for those of you who live in a community property state—Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, or Wisconsin—you can still use a prenup. Whatever is in the prenup will supersede the typical 50/50 split of community property.

Renewing your Prenup Vows
Just like any form of insurance, you should review your prenup from time to time. I'd recommend every five years or so. The point, obviously, is to make sure it continues to express the wishes of both of you as your financial situation changes. Ideally, your original document will factor in many of the likely changes as your marriage and your finances evolve, but if you need to, by all means, seek out lawyers to amend your agreement. Again, it is not an indication of distrust in the marriage. It is a powerful sign that you both want to protect each other in the event things ever do take a wrong turn. Until the divorce rate falls to, say, under five percent, I think prenups are the smartest engagement gift you can give yourself.

And by the way, for those of you who are not the marrying types, cohabitation agreements also exist and are something you should have. The legal situations arising from cohabitation are addressed in some state legal codes as "common-law marriage"—which should tell you that things can get much stickier than you might think. These documents work just like prenups, allowing you and your partner to lay out clearly what is shared and what is separate in terms of your assets and liabilities.